“90s Bands Conquer Household Chores” by Erin Dorney
Art Alexakis of Everclear scrubs bacon grease off the backsplash.
Brett Scallions of Fuel digs coffee grounds out of the french press with his bare hands.
Chino Moreno of Deftones scours the inside of a garbage can.
Daniel Johns of Silverchair OxyCleans the faux wood porch with a hard bristle brush.
Ed Roland of Collective Soul breaks down boxes for recycling pickup.
Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit empties containers of forgotten leftovers from the recesses of the fridge.
Gavin Rossdale of Bush shakes his pube trimmings into the lawn for the birds.
Henry Rollins moves everything off the bathroom counters. Henry Rollins moves everything back.
Ian MacKaye of Fugazi clears ants from around the honey.
John Rzeznik of Goo Goo Dolls scoops soggy food out of the sink drain.
Kevin Griffin of Better Than Ezra swaps out the Brita filter.
Luke Esterkyn of Stroke 9 washes the cup that holds our toothbrushes.
Max Collins of Eve 6 matches socks on top of the dryer.
Nick Hexum of 311 tries to get the damn duvet back on.
Ozzy Osbourne evacuates egg crust from the slats on the spatula.
Perry Farrell of Jane’s Addiction moves wet laundry to the dryer WHY is it so heavy.
Q-Tip puts an old sock on his hand and runs it around each of the 29 spindles on the wooden staircase.
Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace changes the sheets every week.
Scott Stapp of Creed cleans poop off the front of the toilet bowl where his three-year-old daughter didn’t make it up in time.
Tony Scalzo and Miles Zuniga of Fastball toss handfuls of freshly raked leaves.
Usher tests the smoke alarms.
Vanilla Ice cleans a spot on the ceiling that leaves a clean spot on the ceiling.
Wesley Scantlin of Puddle of Mudd spritzes chunks of flossed food off the bathroom mirror.
Xavier Muriel of Buckcherry grabs muck out from the gutters.
Yanni dances with the Dyson.
Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against The Machine loads the dishwasher after he’s already gotten dressed for the show.
Erin Dorney grew up in the 90s and is writing a book about loving the Goo Goo Dolls. Yes I Am Human I Know You Were Wondering, her collection of poetry using found text from Yoga With Adriene YouTube videos, is forthcoming from Autofocus Books in March 2025. Learn more at www.erindorney.com.
