I was cherry picking
I was cherry picking dreams
I was cherry picking, did you ever think of me
You were hot and heavy
You were hesitant it seemed
When I’m cherry picking
I always know you’re gonna leave
When I was sixteen, I discovered Before The World Was Big by Girlpool. I was really really deep into indie music at the time and I was just obsessed with that album. I taped pictures of my favorite indie artists to the walls of my college dorm — Girlpool being one of the groups pictured. The previous summer, I had started to play my original songs and a few covers at a local coffee shop. It made me feel brave and strong so I carried that hobby into college as well. Throughout my freshman year, I played my guitar and ukulele nonstop. I had a few songs that were a part of my sets and “Cherry Picking” was one of the first that I had learned to play. I remember playing the song until I thought I came up with my own version since guitartabs didn’t have the chords listed and still doesn’t. (I swear, I’m not bitter about that at all! Just kidding, I totally am. )
At the time, I had recently been diagnosed with BPD and I was also in my first big relationship. This song felt like an admission of my feelings and a summary of some of my fears. I was critical without realizing it and I cared so much about pleasing my partner. I felt like I was “Cherry Picking” which fights were important and which should just slip below the surface and become something we didn’t discuss. I didn’t want to lose her but I always knew she was going to leave. So, whenever I played “Cherry Picking,” I was the most vulnerable I could be.
Now, every time I listen to the song, I’m transported to a calm spot of ignorance and acceptance. My dull memory is ignorant to the negatives of the past but my recovery mind has moved forward emotionally from that time. So, “Cherry Picking” is a fond memory and I just think of the times I played it for friends in common areas and at open mic nights. I think of the adrenaline of stage fright, the rush of joy that came with letting people hear my shaky voice, and the feeling of being absolutely terrified but wildly and irrationally in love.
If this spoke to you, please give “Cherry Picking” a listen and make your own memories with the song. Love it irrationally.
(Song recommendation by Venus Davis)