Sometimes the lesson comes after you fall on your face the tenth time. You’re lucky.
I’m hard-headed AND I learn through experience. It’s close to insanity.
It also means that for me, the lesson only comes 6 years after I fell on my face. While I’m in the shower. Singing the Mulan soundtrack.
“Really Li Shang, will you make a man out of me?”
Flashback to some fucked up thing I said to an ex who would not even recognize my face at this point.
Oh cool thanks I’ll just melt through the bathtub drain now.
Later that day, or years later or something who’s counting, I’d lay in bed and it’d hit me…oh EYE was the problematic one there. Wow. Who fuckin’ knew? Obviously everyone who ever told me that before but like I said WHO knew.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t chase that phantom. “Aah, what could have been if I had only gotten my act together a bit sooner”. And to really wallow in it, I’d put on something like “Formidable”.
Now I know better, obviously. I have much healthier habits. I take all that regret and self-loathing and instead of learning from it and growing, I just do this thing where I push it all down. Just way way down in there. I just ball it up and hide it and don’t talk about it with anyone and make sure that no one finds out I’m a bit of a joke.
Works every time.
So take that, Li Shang. Go make a man out of your damn self.
(Song recommendation by Jon Johnson)