Are you weak?
Can you do a single measly push-up without crumpling to the ground in a puking, pathetic pile of shattered dreams?
Do jars pose an eternally insurmountable obstacle because of your impossibly lame and ineffectual grip?
Has carrying your stupid, greasy, screaming toddler all the time got your arms and soul feeling exhausted and broken?
Then you need to get strong.
You need to get powerful.
You need to ATTAIN GLORY.
Let’s unlock your Maximum Potential.
You put this song on and you’ll go from a failed-push-up puking pile of pathetic-ness to a THREE FUCKING HUNDRED PUSH-UP BEAST.
You put this song on and you’ll SHATTER EVERY GOD DAMNED JAR YOU PICK UP.
You put this song on and your stupid greasy screaming toddler won’t be a problem anymore because you’ll be able to THROW THAT DUMB FUCKING BABY OVER THE FUCKING OCEAN AND YOUR SOUL WILL BE FREE.
Let Power Glove’s relentlessly-pulsating synths and the ultra-powerful voice of Dolph Lundgren get you FUCKING PUMPED.
UNLOCK YOUR MAXIMUM POTENTIAL RIGHT FUCKING NOW
(Song recommendation by Kevin D. Woodall)